Banks Suck

I had to go into a bank today. I hate banks. I of course left all my rights as a human being at the door when I entered. It left me feeling very vulnerable – like someone was going to take advantage of me somehow. My feelings were justified.

I happen to have an eSavings account. Which means that I get bent over any time I want to do something. I have that type of account because it is the only thing I can get from them without having to pay a monthly fee.

So I went up to the teller to ask for my money and he reminded me it was going to cost me $5 to perform what I had asked. I said, “oh, I thought I had a certain number of free transactions per month”.

“Oh no sir. You have an eSavings account which gives you a higher interest rate but you have to pay for any transactions.”

Yeah, a higher interest rate currently sitting at 0.5%. Wow! Half of one whole entire percent! How do I not see how lucky I am with this ridiculously high interest rate?!

I must have twisted up my face when he said that as I tried to understand the logic. I believe that is when he took pity on me, this poor unenlightened person standing in front of him. You see, there is bank sense and then there is common sense. They do not mix. Bank employees are really to be applauded for their long-suffering patience as they are asked to explain bank sense to us uncivilized heathens.

Bank sense says: “Aww, you poor thing, I’ll try to lower myself to your level and explain it to you. We’re actually doing you a huge favour. You gave us your money and we keep it safe for you. This costs us a lot of money so you have to pay us billions to do this for you. You understand right?”

Billions? That’s right:

• CIBC 2015 Net Revenue: $3.6 Billion
• Royal Bank 2015 Net Revenue: $10.0 Billion
• Bank of Montreal 2015 Net Revenue: $4.7 Billion
• And so on…

Then there is common sense (I’ll let you in on a secret: it is far inferior to bank sense). Common sense says, “You’re renovating your branch again? Didn’t you just do that a couple years ago? Why are you charging me so much money every month and then spending it frivolously like this?” Ah, that is bank sense, us regular people are not to understand those higher concepts.

Banks are crooked. They don’t have to be accountable to their clients. What is your alternative? Keep all your money in a safe in your house? Bury it somewhere? You wouldn’t be able to operate in today’s society if you did that. Banks understand this and they exploit it.

I'm not that bright...don't tell anyone...

So, today I'm walking around in Walmart, killing time, so of course I go over to the electronics department.  Where else am I going to go to kill time?  We've been talking about getting a wall mount for the TV...ok, so I go check those out.  There are a few there that I think would work pretty good, but they don't have the one in that I would get - they just have the display model which they won't sell me.  It is going to cost about $100.

Yesterday I spent $440 buying a 12 month Leisure Pass for the city.  This gets me into all of the public swimming pools, gyms, etc.  (I should mention here that my wellness allowance from work pays $200 of that 'cause I work for the best company ever) ("Be well John Spartan" - I had to add that.  Every time I think of my company's wellness allowance it reminds me of Demolition Man)  But still, it cost me $240.  I bought one in 2008 that I didn't even use for more than a couple months before I quit going.  Oh, right, this time is going to be better...

The day before that I spent $20 buying something that I'm not even going to mention on here since it is one of the stupidest things I have ever spent $20 on and I don't need to give you all amunition to give me a hard time - you do it enough already.

So on the way home from work today I'm thinking about the TV wall mount again.  Bummed out that they didn't have one in stock so I could buy it right away.  All of a sudden it hits me - why am I so controlled by things that I want to buy?  My emotions, my thoughts - I'm obsessed with stuff...things.

My poor wife does the finances in our house.  She does her best to rein me in, and get this, I have the nerve to be upset with her about it sometimes.  "Why won't she let me spend all our money on buying stuff?  It's my money too isn't it?"  /pouting while I scuff my toe in the dirt...

I have got a never ending list of stuff that I want.  I will never be able to buy everything I want on that list.  Every time, without fail, I buy something from the list, the next thing jumps to the top and a couple days later I am trying to hatch some sort of plan for why I should buy it.  "Oh, that's right, we need X now so much.  X is going to make our lives so much easier.  Are we really making it without X right now?  Yeah, we are, but you know what?  Everything has changed since yesterday when we were doing fine without X but we really needed Y - now we have Y and we are going to be screwed if we don't get X too."  Sheesh, I am so pathetic.

Here is something else I thought of: I go to Walmart to kill time.  I also do this sometimes at Future Shop, Home Depot...  I must be an idiot.  You know, I thought I was pretty bright.  Not one of the brightest, but pretty bright.  I made it through school, got my professional designation - I must be pretty bright to have done that.  Nope, not really.  Somehow I must have managed to fool everyone because really I am an idiot.  Why don't I just bring Elise and Jackson to a soother store and tell them they can't have any...and don't touch anything either.  "Oooo, look Jackson, this soother has an ipod dock, how have you been managing without that on your soother up until now?  Sorry, can't have it."  /crying children...  Of course I'm going to buy stuff if I wander around where all the stuff is!!!!!

Anyway, now that I have identified the problem I'm sure it will be simple to correct this behaviour.  I mean...I am an engineer...problem solving is what we do best...