I'm Being Manipulated!

I have just clued in to something that my wife has been doing to me over the last few months.  I believe she is manipulating me!  Outrageous!  Let me explain what I’ve found out.

It all started about half a year to maybe a year ago when she did a couple Bible studies based on Ephesians and Proverbs 31.  I wasn’t totally following the content of the studies, but they had something to do with being a godly woman/wife.  Then I started to notice some subtle manipulations.

All of a sudden I noticed that she doesn’t have a short fuse with me anymore (not that I can blame her when she does).  She is trying to take care of things in the house so I don’t have to be busy when I get home from work.  She is looking after the kids so that I don’t get as frustrated with them with the little things.  She is supporting me and building me up.  She is putting my priorities ahead of her own.  She is showing me way too much love…

I have finally put the whole thing together.  I am not going to stand still for being manipulated!  Two can play at this game!  Now I am going to try to be as considerate as possible with her.  I am going to try to be sensitive to what she needs so I can meet those needs.  I don’t want the kids to run her down too much so I will help out wherever I can.  I want to free her up whenever I can so she can go running and do some of the things she wants to do with her friends.  I want to start being less selfish with my time.  I want to finish off a bunch of things that have been sitting undone at home which she has suspiciously been so understanding about.  I’m going to spend more time convincing her that I love her.  I want to find out how God intends me to be a father and husband and then do those things so I can totally get back at her J  Mwaahahahaha!  Let's see how she likes it when the shoe is on the other foot!

Maybe God spoke to her in those Bible studies.  What an example she has been to me in this.

Think He intended marriage partners to manipulate each other with love in this way?

Missed Appointments

I am married to a Registered Massage Therapist who works out of our home.  We have found that this arrangement works very well for us as she is able to dictate her own hours and will be able to be home most of the time once our kids hit school age.  Unfortunately it does absolutely nothing for me…  You’ve heard that a mechanics car is in the worst shape right?  Well, I could be considered that mechanics car…

Periodically we come across a situation that leaves us both feeling incredibly frustrated and upset, and yet completely impotent to do anything about it.  People just don’t show up for their appointments.  And then the response is “Oh, Sorry!” 

Well, yes, I understand you’re sorry.  Obviously you’re going to be sorry.  You probably needed a massage which is why you booked it.  Now you’re sorry you don’t get to have it and you’ll have to book another one.  I also understand that you never meant to forget the appointment.  Oh, wait a minute, let me emphasise something from my previous sentence: YOU forgot the appointment.

I believe that anyone should be able to figure this out with about 20 seconds of thought, but I have observed that almost nobody understands the following principle.  This applies to pretty much all places where you book an appointment and they hold that time for you.  Let me explain it here in terms everyone should be able to understand.

The time slot is reserved for you.  By the time my wife has determined that you are not only late, but you are not showing up it is probably 10 minutes after your scheduled appointment time.  Usually she will scramble to try to fill that spot.  How on earth is she supposed to fill that appointment time now?  Especially if she has someone scheduled to come following your appointment.  I’ll help you figure it out – 99% of the time she can’t fill it.  Now she is out that money.  When you get paid on a salary you just get a cheque once or twice a month.  When you work as a massage therapist you rely on every appointment in order to get paid.

If you would have called ahead to cancel (and here is another hint that is really top secret that not many people can figure out: if nobody answers the phone when you call to cancel, LEAVE A MESSAGE!) then there is some notice and that spot can likely be filled by someone else.  If you call and don't leave a message then you are not off the hook yet - you have not given notice.  When you don’t call, but just don’t show up, that is money that is just lost.  There is really no way to recover it…unless…

You pay for your missed appointment.  Here is another tip: don’t wait for your massage therapist (or whatever appointment you have missed) to ask you to pay for your missed appointment – just come right out and tell him/her that you will pay for it.  It is your responsibility.  “But, I never got a massage!  Why should I have to pay for it?!”  Because you were the one that missed it.  Because your massage therapist reserved that time for you and didn’t book someone else into it (which they very likely could have) based on the fact that you said you were coming.  Had they known you weren’t going to come they could have gotten someone else to fill the spot and not been out the money.  But now that you have missed it, it is too late for them to fill the spot, and they are now out the money.

Because you forgot…they don’t get paid.

Because your schedule changed last minute…they don’t get paid.

Because you got sick…they don’t get paid.

My wife is such a sweetheart that often she doesn’t have the heart to enforce her cancellation policy.  She feels bad for the person that for whatever reason, life got in the way and they missed the appointment.  It is so unfair to make her ask.  Please just offer to pay for the appointment.  You owe it to her.

Insite - certainly not Insight...

What's next?  Safe sites to go murder people.

Listen, we know that murder is wrong, but you just left the Insite clinic where you shot up on WAY too much heroin (because you knew we would save you if you took too much so you took as much as you could all at once) and now you are not thinking clearly and you want to murder a guy.  We know it isn't really you making this decision, it is the drugs in your body that are causing you to murder this guy.  You can't be held accountable for that!  We are sure that if you weren't hopped up on drugs you would probably want to hug him instead of murder him.  But, now that you are stoned, and you are going to murder this guy, why don't you do it here at our Homisite.  We'll make sure you don't knick yourself with the blade while you stab the guy.  We know you can't really help yourself - so that makes it ok.

John 14:6

I was driving around in Edmonton about 7 years or so ago with a co-worker and he asked me if I would mind if we stopped in at a church where his wedding was going to be taking place in a month or two so he could speak with somebody there to make some sort of arrangement.  It was no problem for me so I agreed.  I can’t remember those details completely anymore since it was so long ago but I think it was a United church or something like that.  I remember waiting for him in his truck in the parking lot, looking around in appreciation at the new facility with the nicely paved parking lot.  Must have cost quite a bit since it was quite a large building and they had done a really nice job making the parking lot pretty with trees and green spaces instead of just throwing out a huge uninterrupted mat of asphalt.

All of a sudden it hit me: These people must really be serious about what they believe in to spend this kind of cash.  I’m a Mennonite Brethren so you wouldn’t catch me attending a United church.  Don’t ask me what all the differences are because I don’t know – all I know is that I agree with things the way they are at the Mennonite Brethren churches and I don’t see a good reason to change what aint broke so I’m staying put.

I kept thinking along the previous path – who are all these people who go to this church?  Well my buddy attends here and I think he’s a good guy; he’s got a pretty good head on his shoulders.  I would imagine that this United church has members from all walks of life, just like my church.  What are they all doing going to this United church?  Have they all been deceived?  They obviously take it pretty seriously to invest their cash in this new facility.

The natural progression of these thoughts led me to consider other religions instead of just other denominations within Christianity.  What about Muslims?  Buddhists?  Hindus?  Taoists?  Just to name a few.  How are these churches all surviving?  Are they only attended by idiots?  Are they just kidding around?  I don’t think so.  The implications are not really all that funny.  So then what are they doing believing in this stuff?  How can something that makes so much sense to me be so incredibly different for other people?  And they are utterly convinced that they are right and I am wrong!

It makes me feel kind of small.  It makes me nervous too.  What if I AM wrong?  How can I truly know that I am right?!?!  I don’t know how to answer this.  I have heard that there are Christians who are so solid in their faith that they don’t struggle with questions like this.  I’m not one of them.  All it takes are a few well shot arrows from the Enemy and I really start pondering things.

A large measure of comfort is provided to me in John 14:6:

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well.  From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH JESUS CHRIST.  NO ONE!!!  AND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!!!  That is the bottom line right there.  There is no area of life which has a line below that one – it is at the very bottom.

Cell Phones In School

Today I drove to Patuanak.  I love driving to Patuanak because the drive is beautiful and I love driving, but also because I get to listen to John Gormley.  Gormley hosts a Saskatchewan talk show on the radio from 8:30 to 12:30 daily and I usually think he is spot on.  I would listen to Gormley every day if I could – and I have tried, but if I listen to him in my office I find that I just zone out listening and get nothing done.  This is not ok with my boss.

One of Gormley’s topics today was related to kids having cell phones at school.  The story went like this: A lawsuit has been filed in Saskatchewan against the school system because one of the students in school was caught using a cell phone in class (there is a school policy against this) and the teacher confiscated the phone.  The policy then requires that the teacher hand the phone over to the vice-principle.  All of this sounds fine.  Here is where the stuff starts to hit the fan though.  The vice-principle goes into the phone and starts reading through the messages, finds one that is related to a stolen vehicle, and calls the police.  The police arrive, demand that the student (the student is 12 years old by the way) reply to their friend and ask the location of the stolen vehicle.  Once the friend replies, the police take this student and go pick up the car.  Now, the lawsuit alleges that the school violated the student’s privacy and as a result have placed this child in danger of retaliation from his friends.  The guardians of this student (he happens to live with his grandparents) fear for his safety.

I rarely disagree with John, but today I did and I so badly wanted to call in, but I was out of cell range.  So, I emailed Gormley.  I mean, really, he needs to know my opinion.  My email went as follows:

Hello John,

I usually agree with you.  Probably 95% of the time actually, and that isn't bad.  With the cell phones in school topic from today I just can't.  You and Brent joked about using cell phones in class is like passing a note in class in days gone by.  I agree with that, but only so far.  In days gone by, the teacher would read the note, that is true.  But then would the teacher proceed to rifle through your backpack reading everything in there?  Then move on to your locker and read all of that too?  Nope.  In essence, that is what the teacher is doing if they are at liberty to read through the messages on a student’s cell phone.  I just can't say that is ok UNLESS there is probable cause for suspicion (ie: illegal behaviour). There was no probable cause for suspicion mentioned in the story from today so I am assuming there wasn't any otherwise it would have been mentioned. You also mentioned "in plain sight" today on your show. I agree with you on the legality of reading something that is in plain sight - if the message was visible on the screen of the phone that would be ok. I cannot imagine any 12 year old kid handing over their cell phone to their teacher with a message up on the screen - can you?  I don't see how that can be a factor here either.  So we've got a phone, no probable cause, no message on the screen - that means the vice-principle would have had to go into the phone, find the messages and start reading through them.  You think THAT is ok?  It was mentioned that the school has legal jurisdiction over the kids while they are at school.  Ok, I submit though that even a parent would require probable cause to go reading the messages on their kid’s cell otherwise you're just asking for a fight.  Not that I, as a parent, which I am, would shy away from that fight if I had probable cause, but why would you even go there if you didn't?

The school has a policy?  This is a non-starter.  Confiscate the phone if you want.  If the student won't comply confiscate it for a week.  If they still won't comply suspend them.  This policy does not give permission to read through personal information.

Your callers kept bringing up things that were beside the point:

• "The message had content of an unlawful nature" - no way to know that until after you read the message at which point you are beyond the line and therefore it is outside the parameters of this arguement.
• "you'd feel differently if it had been your car".... What? Where do people come up with stuff like this?
• "don't bring your phone into class if you don't want the messages read" - while this arguement does make sense, it still sidesteps the point here. Understandably, if your phone is not in the class the messages on it cannot be read. This does not automatically mean that if your phone IS in class the messages on it are public domain.
• One of your callers brought up the fact that the kid lived with his Grandparents. Gasp! Call in the strip search team! This kid must be up to no good at all! If he lives with his Grandparents he automatically forfeits all of his rights!

I don't think we should be giving our kids cell phones much less that they should be in classes. As a teacher I would be seriously frustrated by cell phones in class. I'd probably confiscate the phone and throw the student out of class. We can deal with this issue without compromising the students privacy.

I have to side with the Grandparents here. I would have loved to have called in to argue this point with you, but I was out of cell range. We can agree to disagree on this one and I expect that we will still go on living harmoniously in this world together. Keep up the good work John. I really think Saskatchewan needs you. It is one of the reasons our province is so grounded in reality.

Jon

There, now you know my position.  You know, I ran into something like this when I was in school.  My high school had a policy of no caps in class.  One day I wore my cap and refused to take it off, and I was thrown out of the class.  Actually, on the one hand these two situations are similar, but on the other hand - I was not disturbing anyone with my cap in class, but cell phones are a nuisance.  Yeah, that's right, they aren't the same at all.  I was right to fight the system and try to wear my cap!  Ok good, I almost had to admit that I may have been wrong, good thing I was able to see past that one.

Anyway, I think this is an interesting issue which is certainly not going to go away...

Begin In Me

The Leadership Team (basically the name we give our church board) at church has been working from a new perspective this past year called "Begin In Me".  We came up with this idea at our previous retreat where we really wanted to commit ourselves to spearheading initiatives that are going on at church.  This is something I can really get excited about supporting because it is something that makes complete sense to me.

It speaks to a mindset that is not going to wait for someone else to start something.  It is an internal perspective instead of an external one.  Point the finger at yourself.

How can we reach out to our community?  Begin in me...

How do we encourage our churches to get into the Word?  Begin in me...

How can we improve the perception unbelievers have of Christians?  Begin in me...

How do we get people to renew their commitment and dedication to God?  Begin in me...

How can we be Christians without making it personal?  It discourages me when I look at the church and see our young adults not attending congregational meetings, not tithing, not involved in ministry.  Is this your religion or your parents'?  You want to make it real?  Begin in me.  It discourages me when I see our "half-time" Children's Minster (who works at least 40 hours a week) struggling to find volunteers.  You want a children's program for your kids when you are at church?  Begin in me.  One thing which is extremely encouraging at our church is that our finances have been strong for at least the past 10 years.  Wow, that is a real indication of our church members putting their money where their beliefs are.  Many of the church leaders I have heard from though are not in the same ballpark (not even playing in the same league) as our church so it begs the question - why aren't you financially supporting your church?  Begin in me.

**Aside: Many of you are wondering - did Jon just use a sports metaphor?  Does Jon even know what a ballpark and a league are?  Yes, I have heard people talk about sports before you know!**

As a LIFE group we are reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  Now this book really stresses a Begin In Me attitude.  I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to make their faith personal.  Part of Francis' message is that we can't do this thing part way.  God calls us to be wholly devoted to Him.  Guess how that starts.  With you/me.  Sunday morning is not enough.  Francis' message goes as far as to say an hour a day is not enough.  5 hours a day is not enough.  Well sheesh!  That sounds impossible!  All day is just barely enough.  Just barely.  If you can give more than all day you should.  All day is the bare minimum.  23.5 hours a day is not enough.  How on earth can we do that?  We ask Christ to Begin In Me.

Sounds like I've got it all figured out hey?  I have a post called "I'm not that bright...don't tell anyone..."  Give that a read and it should clear up any misconceptions you have.  What I do know is this: there is no telling what God could do through us if we were completely dedicated to Him.  Spend 5 minutes on this thought: What could an omnipotent, omniscient God do through a man or woman who was totally dedicated to Him?  I mean fully committed, tapped into the Spirit, not distracted by the world.  Remember, don't put limits on God when you think about this (He has no limits, remember?).  When I think of that I come up with a bunch of words to describe my thoughts:

• inspired - it is kind of exciting to think of what God could do through me
• reluctant - what things am I currently spending my time on that I would need to give up to get to this place?
• awe

It begins with you and me.  Don't wait for someone else to do it.  We can't sustain this type of thing on our own.  Ask God to Begin In You.  I'll do the same.

I Then Shall Live

This song was inspired by Francis Schaeffer's book How Should We Then Live.

"I Then Shall Live" by the Gaither Vocal Band with Signature Sound:

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven,
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid,
I know my name is clear before my father,
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So greatly pardoned I'll forgive my brother,
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion,
I've been so loved that I'll risk loving too,
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges,
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.
Your kingdom come around and through and in me,
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed name, O may I bear with honour,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The bread of life, O may I share with honour,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.
Amen.