I go to work to earn money for food, bills, mortgage and the
occasional purchase. I come home from
work to eat supper with my family. I try
my best to put my work day behind me as quickly as I can because I need to be
cheerful and talkative during the short time my kids are still up after I get
home (to be honest I don’t only need to do this but I do want to do it, but it
takes a superhuman effort most days to do this). I need to build into them as much as I can
during the time I have since I only get about 2 hours a day with them. If I spend those 2 hours being on my own that
is not fair to them; and once again, honestly, I don’t want them to have a
family experience like that.
After the kids are in bed I read a book, or I watch some shows,
or I play a computer game, or I _______________ (insert some other time wasting
activity here). You see, I have this
time before I go to bed that needs to be filled somehow. Sometimes I actually do something that needs
to be done like changing the oil in my car, cleaning up the kitchen or mowing
my lawn. What does it mean? Not really anything.
The next day – more of the same.
Sometimes I drive around thinking, What am I doing? My existence is being used up on an errand to Future Shop. It is not getting me anywhere. There’s got to be more than this right? Ok, well I do love driving, so I think, I’m
going to enjoy my driving experience.
For me that probably means breaking a bunch of laws driving like a
maniac so I don’t do this very often – it’s hard on the vehicle and it’s hard
on the pocketbook if you get caught.
What is up with traffic? Why do
people drive so slowly? Doesn’t anyone
else try to enjoy the driving experience?
I guess not… Soooo, if I can’t
enjoy the driving experience what else can I do? Hmm, well I really like listening to music
extremely loud while I drive. I’ll try
that. Looking through the albums on my
phone……..nothing. Great. I bought this music, so I obviously like it,
but there is usually nothing there that I’m really pumped to listen to.
What is my life? Just
an unending sequence of tasks and errands and stuff that really, in the end, is
worthless?
I know the answers to all of these questions. Intellectually
I know that:
- if I were to be listening
to God in the car while I drive instead of trying to fill my mind with useless
nonsense it would bring me peace
- if I were to spend my time
praying in the evenings I would find fulfillment
since I would be engaging with the only being who can show me what I want
to know
- if I were to spend my
efforts looking for what God is doing around me and then engaging with Him
in those activities it would be so much more rewarding than earning a Platinum trophy on a PS3 game by
defeating an end boss in under 4 minutes
- so much else can go here…
God created
me. It wasn’t a whim. I do have a purpose. We all have a purpose and someday we will be
called to answer. My life feels
unsatisfying because it is not in line with that purpose. Of course I’m going to be aimlessly
wandering!
I don’t put these solutions into practice in my life. I really do know these things, but I always
put off practicing them. Paul said, “I
don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do
it. Instead, I do what I hate.” Romans
7:15 (NLT) He did the same thing as me! I’ll bet he was riding around on his donkey
(aka, driving) thinking the same things I do, “I need some excitement in my
life. I’m gonna gallop my donkey through
town! That will be epic!” Paul and I have this in common: We were/are
human.
This goes into every corner of my life. Where do I spend my money? Where do I spend my time? Where do I direct my thoughts? I spend it all, I direct it all towards myself.
This goes into every corner of my life. Where do I spend my money? Where do I spend my time? Where do I direct my thoughts? I spend it all, I direct it all towards myself.
How do I change this?
How do I drum up the energy to engage my desire to change this? All of the unsaved people around me are
relying on me! And I am letting them
down!
